Quote

"Your thought,
musing on a sodden brain
like a bloated lackey on a greasy couch,
I'll taunt with a bloody morsel of heart;
and satiatemy insolent, caustic contempt."


- Vladimir Mayakovsky

The Eternal quote

"In the beginning of the world, the Earth and the sky were one creature; and it was the hardest thing to get them apart. They loved each other so much and that's why it rains, because the earth and the sky are always trying to get back together."

Childhood in summertime
wet soil, muddy feet
Sunshine warming my face
shinning in my hair
Rolling down foliage hills
rose scent in the air
God was the sun
warming this little girl's heart

Rezo por tu belleza para que nunca se desvanezca,

el torno de tu piel que obtenga gracia a la inmortalidad.

I pray for your beauty so it shall cease to wither, 

may the surface of your skin be graced with immortality. 

Morning, July 6

My angel, my all, my very self - Only a few words today and at that with pencil (with yours) - Not till tomorrow will my lodgings be definitely determined upon - what a useless waste of time - Why this deep sorrow when necessity speaks - can our love endure except through sacrifices, through not demanding everything from one another; can you change the fact that you are not wholly mine, I not wholly thine - Oh God, look out into the beauties of nature and comfort your heart with that which must be - Love demands everything and that very justly - thus it is to me with you, and to your with me. But you forget so easily that I must live for me and for you; if we were wholly united you would feel the pain of it as little as I - My journey was a fearful one; I did not reach here until 4 o'clock yesterday morning. Lacking horses the post-coach chose another route, but what an awful one; at the stage before the last I was warned not to travel at night; I was made fearful of a forest, but that only made me the more eager - and I was wrong. The coach must needs break down on the wretched road, a bottomless mud road. Without such postilions as I had with me I should have remained stuck in the road. Esterhazy, traveling the usual road here, had the same fate with eight horses that I had with four - Yet I got some pleasure out of it, as I always do when I successfully overcome difficulties - Now a quick change to things internal from things external. We shall surely see each other soon; moreover, today I cannot share with you the thoughts I have had during these last few days touching my own life - If our hearts were always close together, I would have none of these. My heart is full of so many things to say to you - ah - there are moments when I feel that speech amounts to nothing at all - Cheer up - remain my true, my only treasure, my all as I am yours. The gods must send us the rest, what for us must and shall be 


- Your faithful LUDWIG

Evening Monday, July 6

You are suffering, my dearest creature - only now have I learned that letters must be posted very early in the morning on Mondays to Thursdays - the only days on which the mail-coach goes from here to K. - You are suffering - Ah, wherever I am, there you are also - I will arrange it with you and me that I can live with you. What a life!!! thus!!! without you - pursued by the goodness of mankind hither and thither - which I as little want to deserve as I deserve it - Humility of man towards man - it pains me - and when I consider myself in relation to the universe, what am I and what is He - whom we call the greatest - and yet - herein lies the divine in man - I weep when I reflect that you will probably not receive the first report from me until Saturday - Much as you love me - I love you more - But do not ever conceal yourself from me - good night - As I am taking the baths I must go to bed - Oh God - so near! so far! Is not our love truly a heavenly structure, and also as firm as the vault of heaven?

Good Morning, July 7

Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I nedd a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a clam consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.


Ever thine
Ever mine
Ever ours






- Ludwig van Beethoven

Quotes

"Experience is the extract of suffering."

- Arthur Helps




"Every harlot was a virgin once."

- William Blake




"A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world."

- Oscar Wilde

Interview with the Vampire

Claudia: What's happening to her?

Louis: She's dying. It happened to you too only you were too young to remember.

Claudia: But if she dies?

Louis: It's only mortal death.

Bear me no ill will, my love.

We are now even.

Claudia: What do you mean?

Louis: What died in that room
was not that woman.

What has died is the

last breath in me

that was human.

- Interview with the Vampire (script)

Ghost Song

Awake

Shake dreams for your hair

My pretty child, my sweet one.

Choose the day

And choose the sign of your day,

The day's divinity.

First thing you see.

A vast radiant beach

And a cool jeweled moon.

Couples naked race down

By its quiet side,

And we laugh like

Soft mad children

Smug in the wooly

Cotton brains of infancy.

The music and voices

Are all around us.

Choose they croon

The ancient ones,

The time has come again.

Choose now they croon

Beneath the moon

Beside an ancient lake.

Enter again the sweet forest.

Enter the hot dream

Come with us.

Everything is broken up

And dances.

Indians scattered on

Dawn's highway bleeding,

Ghosts crowd the young child's

Fragile egg-shell mind.

- Jim Morrison

The Heartless Swan

She is a swan and she makes much of her wings

she roams about in weightlessness

she belongs to the earth

Though the brightness in her face holds no illumination

her heart is slow

it does not wither it stays at flow

it is still like a stone

it breathes but merely to beat

her heart has not yet stirred

her white feathers are unsullied

She is the evening star in her own vespertine

though she herself does not notice these stars

there is no day or night dream

she is mute in the heart

she withers her own soul

Yet her body is fresh and unspoiled

free from all taint of what is lewd

her body and heart are unlaced

she swims by the lake

and in her ripples and unawares

Isis mourns for her loveless soul

she weeps for the heart she keeps

she cannot grant her the spirit

for you earn it through love

There is no longing or desire

no one that makes her heart throb

she is alone

and in the heartless swan

with her opal face and generous eyes

lies the missing spark almost livid

she notices no sky

there are no hot suns

or sanctified full moons

She does not hold the eyes

to perceive beyond the ordinary

It seems she's blind

she lacks the spirit

and she does not know

the fellow glory of love's splendor

her back is bare no baron to embrace her

She holds no need for love

and while gentlemen try to steal her heart away

she swims on by towards the sunny bay

...It was an illusion 

the kind you mistake for a dream 

A figment between a strand

of a thousand misshapen memories...

Quote

"She stands and moves within the invisible pentacle of her own virginity. She is an unbroken egg: she is a sealed vessel; she had inside her a magic space the entrance to which is shut tight with a plug of membrane; she is a closed system; she does not know how to shiver. She has the knife and is afraid of nothing."

- Angela Carter (The Bloody Chamber and Other Stories)

31st

Senses from the night

Recollecting the fragmented peaces

Like do thoughts.

A face, the mask

Flashing lights,

Darkness is welcomed.

The scent of a nocturnal flower

The leaves of autumn burned

Red aurora glows

Candles atop the window sill

Leading the way of the dead

The crescent of a moon

Like the halve of the orange

Left in the kitchen sink

Sweet; tingles the nose

Shadows storm within reflections of

Glass and water

Magic stirs the night

Wishes wished and wishes granted

Painted skin, a black cloak twirls

Children’s laughter from a fright

A masquerade throughout the night

Insanity is celebrated

Like the understanding of a child

The trees march on their parade

Yet still, yet movable

The moistened kiss from a roaming phantom

Whistles by unnoticed

They are all accompanied by spirits

All awakened by the eve of the hollow

Sweet sugar caresses the tongue

All deaf to the howling of the wolf

All numb from the blood suctioned

All blind to the living dead

"To die will be an awfully big adventure."


- Peter Pan

Harold Edgerton

Sleepyhead

My mind, my emotions are disconsolate
I am tired I must rest
My heart is weary from all its submission
This existence is too tiresome
It's irrelevance is ridiculous
Its luck and irony are no longer amusing
It's creatures are spiritless,
dreaming away a life eaten by time
I drowse heavily!
There are no longer allusions
no hidden truth
There is no longer the need to mystify upon existence
It has all be done and found
and it all has been spoiled 
My being is exhausted by this daily parade
I sigh heavily!
There is no amazement or surprise 
in this predictable coil
So many still fascinated upon this gilded cage
worshiping it with song and poem
All appeal has diminished
There is nothing more to consume
I yawn heavily!
There is no strength left in me
my very passions have been withdrawn 
All I want to do is sleep
When they realize this revolving spiral
they'll want to join me in peace
I want to rest 
I want to sleep
I want to finally dream






author's note: temporary angst

excerpt from "Romeo and Juliet"

I fear too early, for my mind misgives

Some consequence yet hanging in the stars

Shall bitterly begin his fearful date

With this night’s revels, and expire the term

Of a despisèd life closed in my breast

By some vile forfeit of untimely death.

But he that hath the steerage of my course,

Direct my sail. On, lusty gentlemen.

A Dream Within A Dream

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream? 



- Poe -

In the lost heaven where the unborn offspring hid,
you laid there with drops of your clear salty liquid 
washing away the irritants I have caused you.
Life had fled from your eyes. 
Don't despair, my insanity will soon kill you. 
Arise now fool! Save the virtue that's left. 
Malignity is coming for you. 
Like animals they are, ready for soul destroying hatred. 
And as if it weren't enough my love for you has not been altered. 


I see it now.
Your soul departs from you,
the way rough wind takes a pedal from a rose.
And such a heavy sorrow your soul carries. 
Now the visions of you in my eyes are blurry
from all the tears and kisses that I have given you. 

Little Red Ridinghood

Little girls, this seems to say, 

Never stop upon your way, 

Never trust a stranger-friend; 

No one knows how it will end. 

As you’re pretty so be wise; 

Wolves may lurk in every guise. 

Handsome they may be, and kind, Gay, and charming — 

nevermind! 

Now, as then, ‘tis simple truth — 

Sweetest tongue has sharpest tooth!

-Charles Perrault

Perfume

"He still had enough perfume left to enslave the whole world if he so chose. He could walk to Versailles and have the king kiss his feet. He could write the pope a perfumed letter and reveal himself as the new Messiah. He could do all this, and more, if he wanted to. He possessed a power stronger than the power of money, or terror, or death - the invincible power to command the love of man kind. There was only one thing the perfume could not do. It could not turn him into a person who could love and be loved like everyone else. So, to hell with it he thought. To hell with the world. With the perfume. With himself."


- Perfume: The Story of a Murderer 

The spark of life has blown her away.
Live because she was born to live. 
Exist because she was created to exist. 
Death come slowly, take your time. 
Waiting here with stiff skin and broken hair. 
Energy patterns like multicolored lights.
Last night's dream of a dead puppy,
blood oozing from its neck. 
The path of needles or the path of pins?
She felt its death so vivid there within her palms.
Paranoia with relaxation,
hatred with love. 
Wielding inertia. Civilized to savagery.   
Questions preferred without answers. 
A moment's thought.
That is gone,
vanished. 
Forgotten. Remembered. Forgotten.
Subconscious effect of awakening. 

Solitude

A remote chill woke him

surrounded by an obscure atmosphere,

bewildered by an inner fear.

He felt himself in a dream

between sleep and awake;

where his horrors and his fears

combine into one greater sphere. 

He stood against the dreary passage

that called to him in a profound undertone.

Through his skin crept a glorious devastation

a persistent suffocation.

Seeking amity he took the long obscure path

that seemed to devour him. 

Frightened by the mere echo of his cries

wishing to find himself in this puzzling maze,

he searched in vain. 

A restless fear that grew louder by the minute

brought him to his knees. 

Within the vast obscurity of his solitude 

he yearned, aspired companionship. 

Just as he felt the solid grip of madness

and the final overthrow of helplessness;

a harmony enveloped him. 

He sighed away a revelation of truth, 

a comprehension of reality. 

He accepted his fate and peace

as the sole and final end of his existence. 

And the obscure atmosphere 

that once shook him, 

welcomed him back home.  

Alone

From childhood's hour I have not been As others were; I have not seen As others saw; I could not bring My passions from a common spring. From the same source I have not taken My sorrow; I could not awaken My heart to joy at the same tone; And all I loved, I loved alone. Then- in my childhood, in the dawn Of a most stormy life was drawn From every depth of good and ill The mystery which binds me still: From the torrent, or the fountain, From the red cliff of the mountain, From the sun that round me rolled In its autumn tint of gold, From the lightning in the sky As it passed me flying by, From the thunder and the storm, And the cloud that took the form (When the rest of Heaven was blue) Of a demon in my view.  - Edgar Allan Poe

I Am Painted

The color is thick and obscure

showered by this imperfection.

It penetrates through my skin,

it dwells within myself. 

It's unnatural, it's disease!

My defenses are restrained. 

This infestation glorifies

upon my being.

It punctures and humiliates,

I am painted. 

I purge in this rotten mixture

I gasp for breath, 

a short moment of release

but I drown further below

condemning me for ever trying. 

It slowly takes every vital breath.

When every moment seems like eternity

and I am left a stranger,

no longer myself

I am painted.

Gypsy

With the white light of the moon

and the warm sands upon my face

I remember you

I remember the essence of your presence

the chilling of your stare

the light darkness of your skin

true child of ancient deserts

Green jewels in your eyes

dark shadows under them

Garments flowing in the distant winds

this is how I remember you

like the sun

like the desert 

and the wind

like my heart

like my love

Quote:

"We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of dreams."


 - Willy Wonka

Poge

There is so much oxygen in the Earth
and I could only take one breath.
There are a million miles ahead of me
and I can only take one step.
There's an atmosphere if air
but only one wind passes through me.
There are million trillion gallons of water
but only one drop falls through me.
There are thousands to say
but only one word will come from me...

...and somehow... it's enough.

Nine Inch Nails Film Festival

This is my own submission for the film festival that I did in 2008. I don't know what's going on with the festival but I am currently working on another experimental video as a submission or simply to share on Youtube. 

A Dream

- = Me           > = A godly fathomless creature

- Who are you?

> You have forgotten who you are and we have come to take you out of your world. You have succumbed into this world long enough, you are lost now.

- I don't understand

> Of course you don't. Even this form of communication is yours, a complicated language to put all that must be said in words.

- Are you God?

> No. You invented god.

- What do you mean that I created all this? I am only a human being!

> That is where you are lost. Your world is beautiful but its beauty has lured you, you made it with such details that you believe they are real.

- Then who am I?

> You are one of us. We are the universe. We create worlds out of our image. Our thoughts can be made solid. You see that wood and stone? You imagined it therefore it is. No other creature like us has created the things you have.

- But what about history and time?

> Inexistent

- Do you have your own world then?

> Yes

- And it's nothing like this?

> No. all our worlds are different. Mine has no atmospheres such as this. It does not consist of shapes or gravity. This can be complicated for you to understand.

- If I am like you how did it come about that I have all the aspects of a human being?

> You wanted it to happen but it cannot be. When you realize who you are you will no longer have the attachment of a human body.

- Then if not this then what is our purpose?

> To create worlds and have one day create the real world by the great one.

- So there is a God?

> In your terms yes but for us it's hardly a god. In your understanding we end up being God.

- So why come in my dreams?

> You believe in all this so much that you would have thought you died and it would take longer to bring you back.

- What about ghosts, apparitions, insanity? Everything else in this world?

> We have been trying to reach you through other ways and the only way we found was through your dreaming.

- To me Earth has been here for millions of years but how long have I been here?

> Time does not exist for we are everlasting. It can be a millisecond to make billions of years or billions of years to create a millisecond. 

- So when I depart from here will all this be destroyed?

> How can something be destroyed when it does not exist?

- Is there good or evil in our existence?

> No. there is no necessity.

- What is the point of a world without feeling or end?

> You say that because you are overwhelmed with emotion. That was the sole purpose of this world but each world has a different purpose. 

- What about pain, despair, war?

> You needed something to look forward to. All this is also hope, prosperity, change. It’s a balance of things. Good comes from evil and evil comes from good.

- What if I am just mad and I don't know? Is there such a thing as madness?

> No. The people you consider to be mad or insane are the ones you've told the truth. What you call sane are the ones who you've blinded. 

- Why do you bother with me? Why don't you ask me anything?

> I know everything. Just as I know how this conversation began I know exactly how it will end. Everything you create comes from our existence we just expand it; only here there are no condemnations.

- How do I know that this isn't the real world?

> You don't.

Note: I had this dream when I was sixteen. When I awoke I quickly wrote down what I remembered and this was the result.